Anger & rage after a pet’s death: it’s expected

 Hey you. Yes, you.

The one who’s grieving after your pet has died. Especially when trauma was a feature of the pet’s death or when a diagnosis was sudden, swift & explained, or not. 

This is for you. 

Anger is a common feature of your grieving process. But you knew that already. But you might not be able to hone on why you feel so angered, pissed off. You might have some inkling, but the anger feels wrong or incompatible with the sadness, anguish & the fogginess that’s taken over your brain & body right now.  

Let me assure you that your anger is natural. Expected. Why? When an accident, someone’s negligence or a diagnosis that swoops in unannounced & departs like a clattering whisper has been a catalyst in your pet’s death, it’s accompanied by a sense of injustice & it feels terribly unfair.

When these scenarios unfold, I often hear, ‘It’s not fair’ or ‘I did everything ‘right’: I did the regular vet visits & got the bloodwork done as was in line with their life stage. I made sure they were on preventatives, I brushed their teeth & we sorted how to get nail trims done at home using cooperative care. WHAT THE FUCK? How could this happen??’ 

If this is you, the truth is, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t miss anything. Some diagnoses are brutally swift & quiet. Accidents happen. Other people are negligent. You did not have control over things. In fact, the anger you’re feeling stems from the sense of the death being unjust & unfair—which is accurate. And your autonomy has been stolen from you. 

The only control is in how you respond. So be angry or full of rage. It’s ok. And giving yourself the outlet to discharge this valid emotion is critical.

And I’m going to offer ideas on opportunities to do that in a controlled, safe & constructive way. 

•rage rooms: as the name implies, it’s a room to let your anger & rage fly—in a safe way. Essentially, you pay to use an interior space to satisfyingly destroy things like dishes & other breakables, in a controlled environment. 

•axe throwing: giving your frustration & rage some oxygen is totally doable when you engage in throwing axes at a target. 

•visiting your local recycling center: the least costly of the three, by taking your recyclables to your nearest depot, it’s a good option to give your anger an outlet. On several occasions, I’ve witnessed local residents giving their clear & colored glass recycling a shattering, noisy thump against the confines of the recycling dumpster, & to great effect. No one is going to question you, nor do you need to reserve an appointment. 

Whatever your jam, giving one of these options a healthy outlet with its safe space, the promise of physical activity & feeling like you’ve properly given the anger & rage that accompanies the sadness after a pet’s death someplace to go. 

With over 20 years of experience in pet care and the past 12 of those focused on animal hospice, Lorrie Shaw is a Certified Animal Hospice Practitioner, Certified Hospice and Palliative Care Advocate and Certified Fear Free Professional. She is CXO of Telos Companion Animal Services, LLC. She can be found at lorrieshaw.com.